


to crush to death

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: (irreversibly at least), M/M, Mistletoe, No one gets hurt, mention of puke, stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 16:02:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9079657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: people been doing festive prompts so here is a short one about mistletoe(title is word play, there will be no crushing in this short fic)





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is fucken stupid, sorry guys

/// /// ///

Hux has never really been impressed by Ren floating things at him with the force, and the (contraband) mistletoe he hovers above him as he approaches is no exception. It's not the plant that's supposed to impress him, so Ren doesn't worry about it, instead standing close to the General and removing his headgear- ready to teach Hux about a most beautiful and wholesome tradition--

"-- What the FUCK- are you doing!?" Ren nearly drops his mask.

"This tastes terrible--" Hux pauses to inelegantly pick some white berry skin off his tongue, face still screwed up "I can't believe you'd eat these. I thought it was all sweet stuff for your traditions."

"It's not-- you don't-- EAT It. You hang it up. For decoration."

"Ah. Well there's still the leaves, if you want to hang those up."

Kylo feels himself break out in a cold sweat, heart pounding with shock as Hux just stands there- looking at him and waiting- holding mistletoe leaves with no berries because he fucking ate them. _This is the day I kill him, not outright murder but manslaughter- perhaps assisted suicide._

"The leaves are the most toxic part." Hux looks disgusted despite that he's wearing gloves. "But the berries are also toxic." His face drops into an annoyed scowl. Toxic, could be deadly, and yet still with the fucking attitude. Though Kylo can admit he'd freak out if Hux looked scared right now.

"Ah."

"We're going to medical." Kylo somehow finds himself sounding calm, Hux looks pale but he always does.

"Ok."

/

They walk quickly in silence, Ren now holding the leaves ready to present to the staff there, Hux looking about ready to puke. They enter the room and one medtech looks up from the equipment they were organising- Hux opens his mouth, likely ready to incriminate Kylo, but instead snaps it shut and swallows heavily, raising one hand to scratch across his middle, mock-casually, as if no one would notice how green he looks under the bright lights.

"I, ah, he- General Hux- ate the berries off this-- they're poisonous," he drops to a whisper, looking over his shoulder as Hux frowns at him, "deadly."

"Yes sir," She looks more worried now, he notes "and what plant is this?" She looks closer a tthe leaves but doesn't take them from him, moving around him instead to ask Hux to move to a bed and sit.

"Mistletoe."

"Yes sir." The face she makes is knowing, leaving Kylo to wonder how the fuck Hux didn't know what it was.

//

"You're an idiot." Apologising doesn't come easy to Ren.

"Yes. It was foolish of me to trust you not to poison me. On Life Day, no less."

"You don't even--"

"-- A day for celebrating and you decided it would be a great day to fuck with me. You know I like the chief medical officer, they're very efficient, and I got vomit all over her boots."

"Hux..."

"Those should have been your boots, Ren."

"I didn't know!" Didn't know floating food towards people teaches them to eat what gets floated at them, or that Hux really didn't know what Mistletoe is.

"No, neither did I."

Ren looks cowed, under his mask.

Hux gets into his personal space and for a second Ren expects a dagger to be plunged into his gut, what he gets instead is a chaste peck on the cheek of his mask, making him blush like a teenager. "Happy Almost-ended-my-life Day, Kylo. Never again."

**Author's Note:**

> rip me, I'm buried in @evilstar-takemyheart on tumblr


End file.
